Practical Relationship Advice

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Here are some fundamental pieces of relationship advice;

• Don’t make assumptions. No matter how well you (think) you know each other, don’t try to read your partner’s mind. The raised eyebrow you may think means he disagrees with what you just said may simply mean ‘I don’t know.’ The only way to know what your partner is thinking is to ask, but in a gentle way, rather than in a defensive or accusing tone.
• Don’t take each other for granted.
• Communicate openly and honestly, but early in a relationship don’t over-share. Think about what is really necessary to communicate at any stage of a relationship, and whether what you are going to say is helpful and kind. Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and really listen to your partner.
• Don’t bottle things up.
• Don’t smother or try to control your partner.
• Don’t try to change someone else. The only person that you can truly change is yourself.
• Look before you leap. The old saying goes, “marry in haste, and repent at leisure.” This doesn’t mean you need to take forever to make up your mind. Sometimes a relationship is so clearly right from very early on, but the key is to really look and not be blinded by the good feelings that romance can bring.
• Nurture your relationship with yourself.
• Nurture your relationship with each other.
• Make time to talk with your partner, have a little fun, and have intimacy no matter how busy you are.
• Focus on the good in your partner and the relationship instead of what’s wrong.
• Be clear about, and willing to state, what you need from the relationship and in your life.
• Make sure that you are getting what you need.
• Have common goals.
• You don’t have to do everything together or be everything to each other. It is healthy to have outside interests and to get some of your emotional needs met by friends or family members. Just make sure to keep the balance so as not to tip into the relationship danger zone of living separate lives.
• Work together to make your relationship and life together happy. If you don’t have a feeling of teamwork and being on the same side, you can begin to feel that you and your partner are being pulled apart. It is vital to deal with the factors that are causing this feeling of separation and find a way to get back on the same side.
• Be flexible in regard to your partner’s different ways of dealing with things.
• Appreciate the differences between you. Contrasting personalities can make a great team. A more vivacious partner can liven up a quieter mate, and in return the mate can bring a level of calm to the relationship.
• Accept that there are many ‘right’ ways of doing most things, and that you and your partner don’t have to do everything the same. If you are parents together, your children can benefit enormously from learning different ways of doing things, and dealing with the many variables that they will encounter in life. Different is not good or bad, only different.